How do we be our kind, caring and sensitive selves while staying in our power and not taking on others stuff as our own?
1. Understand why you do what you do
Being a kinesiologist, I have a deep motivation to serve and support myself and others to feel amazing and live life to the fullest.
I believe many of you reading this have a core motivation to help that is pure but sometimes our pure motivation can be clouded with wanting to fix, please, be responsible for others etc. This is where it gets tricky because you now have an expectation.
Ask yourself if you're helping without expectation or if you're needing/wanting something in return either to have the helping or fixing reciprocated, to feel loved, be acknowledged, validated, valued, accepted, to be looked after, to feel safe etc.
It's a path of anxiety trying to get anything from anyone in a sustainable way unless you're first giving it to yourself. Thats the old saying "fill your cup first"
2. What's there to fix?
Here's the thing with being self aware and always being committed to your own learning and growth... Everyone is on a different path and yes we see the potential in them but its not our job to change them, it's their choice.
Recently I had a four hour hypnotherapy session where I went in between lives and connected with myself a soul. My belief is that we choose our lives before we come based on what we need to learn and we are all on a unique path.
Supporting and fixing are very different! I see it as power vs force or peace vs drama. This is a great little clip to explain the drama cycle and how to step out of it
If someone asks for your help then its your choice if it feels right to help them.
If you decide someone has a problem that needs fixing and take it upon yourself to change them then you're getting into difficult waters. This attitude is putting out the message that something is wrong with the person and they aren't enough as they are, are not capable in some way and their resistance to change may boost from this disempowering energy.
3. Know how you feel so you know when your energy is yours and when its not
So many of my clients get confused with how they actually feel because they are so used to feeling everyone else feelings as a way to understand their environment and the people in it.
A question I ask myself when i'm feeling different to how I usually feel is "is this mine?" and often it won't be if you're energy has changed going into a new situation.
To know the answer, you need to connect with your own sense of what is yes and what is no. I feel this as sensations in my body, others get the word in their mind, or a feeling of expansion or contraction.
To know whats yours and what not its important to know how you feel as a baseline in your day. You may be feeling wonderful after a morning walk and as soon as you get to work you may feel your energy plummet.
This is an indication that you're being affected by your environment. You have some options here...
If the energy you're feeling is not yours then you can acknowledge this and thank your body for letting you know, this acknowledgment may be enough to shift the energy, if not you can visualise the energy leaving your field and you being fortified with your own energy, this may look like a field of colour, light or symbol.
If the energy is yours then there is something deeper happening which needs your attention for example you may be out of alignment with your work but pretending that it's what you need for now. This is a good time to go see your kinesiologist to delve deeper!
4. Create and maintain your boundaries to prevent yourself from giving away your power and fall into old patterns
Many of us have been brought up to feel our wants and needs aren't as important as others and therefore disregard our own needs to meet what others expect.
The truth is we are all entitled to live our lives on our terms and go for what we want! Cause if your not living your life for you then who are you living for? and why? why is it better to live for someone else?
To set your boundaries you must know what they are! Such as knowing how you want to be treated in your relationships and if someone treats you with disrespect, you can stand your ground.
Know what it takes for you to have healthy boundaries
Q. I can create healthy boundaries to support my (health/wellbeing/relationships/finances) by ____________________________________________.
Q. If I had these boundaries in place, how would my life be different? ____________________________________.
Q. If I had these boundaries in place how differently would I feel? ________________________________________.
The hard part about setting boundaries is respecting them by committing to them!
For example you may set a boundary to not call your ex partner because its in your best interest and you know your life will be more in alignment if you don't contact them. The challenge is keeping that commitment with yourself!
5. Know yourself so your energy is centred and grounded
When there is searching for validation outside ourselves there is a tendency to get caught up in whatever is going on, buying into others opinions as our own and being led by others.
Know what you love and be confident in expressing your love. If you're into crystals, yoga and meditation and you have a friend that thinks its all stupid, thats cool, let them think its stupid, they don't have to feel the same as you and you don't need to change your opinion to suit them.
The contrast of peoples interests and beliefs makes the world an interesting place to live!
Having a daily meditation practice can help support yourself on all levels to feel centered and grounded. Try starting the day with a quick five minutes breathing and feeling your body, noticing how you feel and what mood you're in before you step out into your day.
If you feel the need you can clear your energy field simply. When having a shower you can imagine all energy thats not yours (if any) washing way. If you're outside you can stand bare foot and visualise any energy thats not yours going into the ground and being filled from above by golden light.
Being sensitive is a strength, but to make the strength work for you its important to know yourself, know how you feel, know your boundaries and know why you do what you do!