Three Patterns That Were Running and Ruining My Relationships

I help women to love and value themselves so they can attract the type of intimate relationship they desire
 
I have written this from my perspective being a woman who has relationships with men. No matter what your relationship combo is, I invite you to read this from your perspective. 

I also want you to know that we are all imperfect and that our journey within relationships is ever evolving and shifting and honestly no one has it all figured out!
 
Here it goes! I’m writing this feeling totally vulnerable and exposed, willing and able to share the three most stubborn relationship patterns that I have identified and am consciously resolving for myself with the intention that you may resonate with my experience, helping you to become more aware of your own patterns which may be keeping you from experiencing the relationship you truly desire.  
 
THE GOOD NEWS!  Take a deep breath and relax because you are in the absolute best situation right now to have the best relationship of your life,

Why? Because you are aware and willing to commit to YOU and invest in the greatest relationship you will ever have (yep, that's the one with yourself) which is the only way to create the strong foundation required to attract a partner who is your equal, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
 
So you want an amazing man who treats you like a Goddess, well you better start treating yourself like a Goddess!

People will only treat you as well as you treat yourself!

It’s your choice to either hold on to the false beliefs that you’re not good enough; you're not loveable or worthy and attract the same kind of men who feel the same way about themselves (and you) OR get real! Become so totally freaking in love with yourself that you attract the same in a partner because it becomes the only option! 
 
You attract what you are.

When you dig deep to the core issue, the reason you haven't experienced the soulful connection and joy you crave from being in relationship with another human is because of the way you feel about yourself…
 
Do you love yourself?
Do you feel valuable?
Do you feel enough?
Do you feel worthy?
Do you nurture yourself?
Do you feel divine?
Do you feel like a sensual, pleasure loving Goddess?
 
If you answered NO to any of these, please keep reading, this is perfect for you!
 
I may come across a bit blunt but I believe it’s the way to get real… fast! I know this is the way to quickly and permanently transform your inner world because I've done it! It wasn’t until I began to honestly enquire within, identify, question, and break my own limiting relationship patterns that I began to direct myself on a very different path than I had previously been on.
 
Here are three of my past “crappy relationship patterns” that may cause you to scream out “I do that!”

I let him choose me, I was so chuffed that someone was interested because of my own lack of self-worth, I would think “wow they really like me” so I proceeded to fall into something that wasn’t exactly what I wanted and ignored my intuition whispering (and sometimes shouting) saying “but this doesn’t feel good, what are you doing!!” and I would SHUSH it away and ignore the niggling feeling of doubt in my heart. I let relationships go on for much longer than they needed to because I didn’t want to cause any pain, so saying yes felt better than saying no which ultimately just delayed the pain, making it more painful when you admit it’s not a yes anymore (and it never really was a yes anyway)
 
The relationship remedy:

• Choose what you want and be ok with saying no to what you don’t want
• Get to know yourself, understand what kind of relationship you want before you begin one, and choose it consciously based on your inner wisdom and suitability of the person
• Know your inherent value and make choices from a space of self-love rather than fear of being inadequate and needing to feel something from your interaction with others
• Be honest with yourself about how you feel, practice allowing your wisdom to guide you and trust your feelings (you always know what feels good! And you know that hindsight always shows the reality of the situation that you weren’t willing to admit at the time)
• Get clear about how you want to feel in a relationship and say yes to the new opportunity whole-heartedly because you want to and it honestly feels aligned with what you want for yourself!
  
  

Creative story telling! I would fall in lust with the beautiful story I had in my mind rather than the wholeness of the person and the reality of our connection (I’m super creative and manage to convince myself of some awesome bogus fairy tales).  All the ‘could be’s’ and the possibilities of this amazing person and the potentially wonderful relationship would be much more appealing than the reality of it. I would cling to hope that it would work out (and yeah it never did, I bet you knew that!). I always look for the best in a person and trust in the goodness of others and I can easily ignore what I don’t like which has led me to my own painful disappointment.
The relationship remedy:

• Love and accept yourself for who you are right now (not the fitter, more travelled, more tanned and thinner version of you)
• Love and accept this man for who he is right now and not for what he could be or what you would prefer him to be. Would you want him to love you for who you could be?
• Stop creating a story! Write a novel if you are great at creative story telling! let the relationship and the person be what they are
• True, honest love relationships only exist between two people with open and willing hearts who accept each other as they are. Authentic love does not wish you had a smaller bum and could cook better lasagne…

Vulnerability, intimacy & expression (relationship freak out words). I didn’t really let my partners see me fully, all the amazing parts and all the not so brilliant parts. I showed the good bits initially because this is what people want to see right? This led me to realise that I can’t expect someone to be 100% honest and open with me when I’m not showing my whole self.  I didn’t expose the parts of me that I didn’t see as being shiny and lovely because I’ve always been the good girl (first born, sensitive and silent achiever type), the one who helps everyone else feel better and doesn’t have any problems of her own, the one who has got her sh*t sorted, the strong and adaptable one! Oh the pressure! we all have our “stuff” and there is no benefit in claiming otherwise! Leading a man to believe that you are “perfect” will just make him feel insecure about his “imperfectness” and he will walk, away (yes, that’s the opposite direction to where you are).

​I didn’t always express what I wanted to say. I would be concerned about what might happen if I said how I felt or voiced my thoughts and feelings in matters that could potentially change the course of the relationship.
 
The relationship remedy:

• Accept yourself, all of yourself!
• Do what is right for you rather than accommodate everyone else’s wants and needs, its ok to have what you want!
• Allow yourself to be fully emotionally vulnerable, yeah it’s going to hurt sometimes and you're going to be disappointed but you’re going get hurt  and disappointed not being vulnerable so what have you go to lose!
• Accept that nobody is perfect and trying to make out like you are duper amazing and have no faults is just bloody exhausting and intimidating to men (because they have faults and will try to hide their shit because they won’t feel good enough for you)
• Express yourself without trying control the outcome because of fear of what may happen, let it flow, say what you feel and think and be honest
• Be real and honest from the start, show yourself! A good match for you will love your quirky imperfections and will feel supported to show his
• If you wish this man were different then do him a favour and move on, you certainly don’t want to date someone who is secretly wishing you were more this or less that
• Feel confident in who you are and know your value, know that what you have to say is just as important
• Hold your own power in relationships, as a woman it’s tempting to hand over your power and become submissive to make a relationship function smoothly

• Establish tools to stay empowered in relationships and know when you are being led away from your truth

If you want to feel like a divine Goddess and attract a relationship that is in alignment with what you truly desire, contact me for a private session or follow me on facebook or instagram for regular inspiration injections.
 
Contact Karlie
hello@opentolife.com.au